Every semester I always do a self-reflection on what stuck most successfully out of all the life lessons I've learned over the weeks. Except this time, I think it's more important than ever before (only to be succeeded by the Graduation-time reflection).
Teachery Things Thus Far:
1. Becoming a teacher had never been Plan A in my life.... not until I was able to see it wasn't a plan at all. It was what was truly right for me.
2. Mlle Sauder and Dr. DeVinck are my guardian angels of teaching, the mentor voices I will forever hear in my head guiding my choices.
3. Mlle Sauder ultimate advice: "Teaching is theatre."
4. Dr. DeVinck ultimate advice: "Better readers, better writers, better people."
5. I AM a great teacher, full of ambition, creativity, and drive. I am proud of the teacher prep program I endured because it set the foundation for me to believe in every student's ability to become a truly great thinker.
6. Not everyone with a doctorate possesses knowledge.
7. When a teacher is fake in the classroom, the students become sharks and the teacher bleeds out into the water.
8. When given the chance to prove oneself, a "newbie" can demonstrate expertise.
9. When you can't see the good in someone, see the good in their colleagues. Find support. Make opportunities for yourself when none are handed to you. Dare to be an active participant. Strive and struggle, and you will succeed despite it all.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Final Fieldwork Reflection
I finally figured out why my co-op confused me for so long. I’m always asking myself the unbelievable question “is this teaching?!?” because I know it’s not. I used to think her teaching was not good teaching… I thought it so much I KNEW it wasn’t good teaching. Now I realize… it’s not teaching AT ALL.
I called this from Day 1 in May when we met for that initial interview. I KNEW she’d swallow me whole and spit out my bones. She went one step further in calling my department with untrue complaints: claiming I was arrogant and a know-it-all when all I did was sit silently in the back of the room, watching. Those very complaints were all because she was too lazy to read the packet detailing my Fieldwork assignment… I handed her the very document that said Fieldwork was a third observation, a third teaching, and a third doing all the other teacher things to be done. She just never read it, and never really understood what my job was in being in her classroom.
I’m secretly disappointed in myself that she intimidated me in the back of my mind… even if I never let it show, it still happened. Except, over time, it festered into hate for the one person who was the antithesis of everything I’d ever been taught good teaching was. Here I was, stuck with a co-op who embodied terrible teaching, poor methods and execution, no self-reflective practice at all, and (worst of all) motivated by money (why ELSE would she have her doctorate and only be teaching at the high school level?). I wouldn’t LET her intimidate me, but for a long while she was winning the race…
At least until I taught a lesson. That day I finally won… and she’s stealing MY lessons because they’re so good. The only negatives she even had to say about my lessons were grammar problems… her stupid compulsion about correcting my grammar aloud, in public. But that’s exclusive only to her – it says nothing bad about my teaching. And if nit-picking my grammar was the only critique she had on my teaching? Then GO ME, I’M AWESOME!
And at least now I know how to deal with absolutely arrogant assholes… stroke the ego just enough until they’re lulled into false security, until you can strike their weak spot and outsmart them at their own game.
Final Score? Student Teacher Katie Kennedy: 1. Dr. Mentor Lamesauce: who the hell cares? I just won.
Bonus points? My professor who came for that meeting, who will be with me as my professor during student teaching, admitted she’s proud of me and glad that I survived – things ending well for me even made her day better!
I won. It took FOREVER, but I did.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Meeting, or Backstab Supreme Part 2
She played the victim card.... completely threw one out of left field and played the victim card. "I just don't feel Katie's learning anything here. I don't feel needed" were her exact words. If I was smart I would have said "Neither do I" in terms of not feeling needed.
SHE was the one who made the call to the department! Now she's playing up feeling victimized!? SHE was the one who called and said this wouldn't work out for the Student Teaching semester, and then when my professor sits down with us she claims she doesn't feel needed!? She doesn't TALK to me AT ALL! I refuse to sit in the back of her poorly run classroom and "learn by watching." If anything I'm learning what NOT to do by observing her! I have a backbone, and she's not going to stop me from doing what I came here to do!
We worked it all out and I teach two lessons next week. I don't know how I'll do it yet, but I will outsmart her. I know I can do a better job of teaching than she can. I know I'm good at what I do.... I tutored two of her colleague's students and improved their grades, so CLEARLY I do know what I'm doing!
I will beat her at her own game. My lessons are going to be awesome....
SHE was the one who made the call to the department! Now she's playing up feeling victimized!? SHE was the one who called and said this wouldn't work out for the Student Teaching semester, and then when my professor sits down with us she claims she doesn't feel needed!? She doesn't TALK to me AT ALL! I refuse to sit in the back of her poorly run classroom and "learn by watching." If anything I'm learning what NOT to do by observing her! I have a backbone, and she's not going to stop me from doing what I came here to do!
We worked it all out and I teach two lessons next week. I don't know how I'll do it yet, but I will outsmart her. I know I can do a better job of teaching than she can. I know I'm good at what I do.... I tutored two of her colleague's students and improved their grades, so CLEARLY I do know what I'm doing!
I will beat her at her own game. My lessons are going to be awesome....
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Backstab Supreme
My co-op called my department to complain about me.
Apparently I am an arrogant know-it-all who isn't learning a thing from the mentorship. My professor will be coming in to run a mediation meeting to try and clear things up.
I can't BELIEVE she did this! A woman who has her doctorate yet still teaches in a HIGH SCHOOL because she's not good enough for professorship calls me arrogant! How can I be arrogant if I'm sitting in silence in the back of the room!? She's intent on making me into a piece of furniture in her classroom - and upset with me because I won't stand for it!
The point of this experience (something my co-op fails to understand) is not to be a passive observer of her methods in the back of the room, I've had 4 YEARS of observation in the teaching program... observations are done now! No more! Fieldwork has a time for observation but it ends at a point! Fieldwork is supposed to be a third observation, a third teaching, and a third professional (grading, self-evaluation, meetings, conferences... all the behind-the-scenes teacher stuff). She doesn't get any of that because she hasn't even read the packet detailing my Fieldwork assignment... the one I gave her on my very first day to let her know how things were planned to go!
I can't trust her.
Apparently I am an arrogant know-it-all who isn't learning a thing from the mentorship. My professor will be coming in to run a mediation meeting to try and clear things up.
I can't BELIEVE she did this! A woman who has her doctorate yet still teaches in a HIGH SCHOOL because she's not good enough for professorship calls me arrogant! How can I be arrogant if I'm sitting in silence in the back of the room!? She's intent on making me into a piece of furniture in her classroom - and upset with me because I won't stand for it!
The point of this experience (something my co-op fails to understand) is not to be a passive observer of her methods in the back of the room, I've had 4 YEARS of observation in the teaching program... observations are done now! No more! Fieldwork has a time for observation but it ends at a point! Fieldwork is supposed to be a third observation, a third teaching, and a third professional (grading, self-evaluation, meetings, conferences... all the behind-the-scenes teacher stuff). She doesn't get any of that because she hasn't even read the packet detailing my Fieldwork assignment... the one I gave her on my very first day to let her know how things were planned to go!
I can't trust her.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Fieldwork Fiasco
While I don't have time for much detail, I will give a brief update as to my Fieldwork.
I'm 2 weeks in, and here's what I've learned:
1. I am stuck in an impossible situation with a mentor whose teaching technique is archaic, whose commentary is sarcastic to students, who seems impatient and bored with teaching and thus also with me.
2. I am STUCK with her. The Center of Pedagogy will do absolutely nothing for me until Student Teaching next semester.
3. I will try my damndest to see the best in her, and keep in mind that she in an expert in English content knowledge while I come from a child-centered teaching philosophy. Perhaps we can balance each other out.
4. She should be both subject mastery AND child-centered teaching.... oops, I forgot, I was supposed to stay positive.
5. Being a "marketable" English major and choosing teaching as the asset basically translates to "my mentor is in teaching for the money and because she failed as a published writer."
6. I am learning what not to do as a teacher, and what NEVER to do in my own classroom. This is my mantra: my mentor is what NOT to do.
7. My mentor's "teaching" is not what teaching is, by any definition, and I know it. Lecturing from behind a podium all day and then watching her students fail is NOT teaching. Yet my mentor thinks these two events are unrelated.
8. Hypocrisy, condescension and intimidation DO NOT encourage... anyone, students or otherwise.
9. When my mentor tells the students "Don't worry about her, she's here to observe" in regarding my presence in the classroom, the students are SHOCKED to find I can actually speak for myself during class, and I have intelligent thought. Hopefully they'll see I can help them, even if my mentor won't let me get near them.
10. Reflective practice is essential to good teaching. Something my mentor has yet to learn.... if she ever will.
Yep, that's the Reader's Digest version of what's going on. Any advice, gentle readers, on how to stay positive through this nightmare of the rest of my Fieldwork semester?
I'm 2 weeks in, and here's what I've learned:
1. I am stuck in an impossible situation with a mentor whose teaching technique is archaic, whose commentary is sarcastic to students, who seems impatient and bored with teaching and thus also with me.
2. I am STUCK with her. The Center of Pedagogy will do absolutely nothing for me until Student Teaching next semester.
3. I will try my damndest to see the best in her, and keep in mind that she in an expert in English content knowledge while I come from a child-centered teaching philosophy. Perhaps we can balance each other out.
4. She should be both subject mastery AND child-centered teaching.... oops, I forgot, I was supposed to stay positive.
5. Being a "marketable" English major and choosing teaching as the asset basically translates to "my mentor is in teaching for the money and because she failed as a published writer."
6. I am learning what not to do as a teacher, and what NEVER to do in my own classroom. This is my mantra: my mentor is what NOT to do.
7. My mentor's "teaching" is not what teaching is, by any definition, and I know it. Lecturing from behind a podium all day and then watching her students fail is NOT teaching. Yet my mentor thinks these two events are unrelated.
8. Hypocrisy, condescension and intimidation DO NOT encourage... anyone, students or otherwise.
9. When my mentor tells the students "Don't worry about her, she's here to observe" in regarding my presence in the classroom, the students are SHOCKED to find I can actually speak for myself during class, and I have intelligent thought. Hopefully they'll see I can help them, even if my mentor won't let me get near them.
10. Reflective practice is essential to good teaching. Something my mentor has yet to learn.... if she ever will.
Yep, that's the Reader's Digest version of what's going on. Any advice, gentle readers, on how to stay positive through this nightmare of the rest of my Fieldwork semester?
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Revelation: Teaching Philosophy
It is only a mere starting point, but my teaching philosophy has suddenly snapped into focus. What I thought this whole time was making a connection to my students through literature has become much more detailed.... and even perhaps, much more cliche, but with a definite point.
"Words and ideas can change the world" -Mr. Keating (as played by Robin Williams), Dead Poet's Society-
Something that might seem so simple has much more to offer. It is vastly more than "yes, my students, I do believe you can conquer the world and become whomever you wish." That is idealistic, something I am definitely not. But even realists, when infatuated with the idea, can become pessimists.
Example: a long-held (negative) tradition of thinking in society might have the potential to be changed, even on a small scale... perhaps racism, or homophobia, or sexism. Or maybe even the ridiculously absurd thought that high-school students are so apathetic they are beyond knowledgeable thought. The extreme realists, those bordering on fatalism, say absolutely not. That pattern of thinking is set in stone, evidenced by years of thinking so (despite it being a wrong way of thinking) and dozens of people not outright admitting they agree with such thinking yet continuing to do so, to act as such even subliminally. But there is one voice in the crowd who believes change can come if we are the agents of such change. The nay-sayers continually put her down, wave her away dismissively, laugh at her infantile optimism. But this one light in the darkness, so full of hope and enthusiasm, vows to make a difference. She will fight for social justice, for what she believes in, so long as she can sleep at night feeling satisfied that what she did was right. She will make her very life matter for the things she believes in. She will stand as testament to fighting her personal "good fight."
I, gentle readers, am not this optimist. At least, not until recently. I was this hopeful youth, a very long time ago, when I thought I could change the world at large. Then the nay-sayers got to me, and infected my thinking, crushed my fighting spirit. I was thoroughly convinced I could never make a difference in this world, for I was only one person. Yet one small voice rekindled that flame of passion deep within me, to stand up for what I believe in. And I believe in the power of rational thinking. I believe in intellectual discourse and debate. I believe in challenging oneself to reach their highest potential, even if it might be painful to a point to do so. I believe that one's view of oneself is never set in stone, for we are human and therefore very dynamic beings undergoing constant change. I believe that I am a teacher, educated very prestigiously (despite what disgusted pessimists might say about the quality of my university's program); as a teacher, I have one job: to challenge my students to believe in themselves as becoming better thinkers, even when they refuse to.
"Words and ideas can change the world" -Mr. Keating (as played by Robin Williams), Dead Poet's Society-
Something that might seem so simple has much more to offer. It is vastly more than "yes, my students, I do believe you can conquer the world and become whomever you wish." That is idealistic, something I am definitely not. But even realists, when infatuated with the idea, can become pessimists.
Example: a long-held (negative) tradition of thinking in society might have the potential to be changed, even on a small scale... perhaps racism, or homophobia, or sexism. Or maybe even the ridiculously absurd thought that high-school students are so apathetic they are beyond knowledgeable thought. The extreme realists, those bordering on fatalism, say absolutely not. That pattern of thinking is set in stone, evidenced by years of thinking so (despite it being a wrong way of thinking) and dozens of people not outright admitting they agree with such thinking yet continuing to do so, to act as such even subliminally. But there is one voice in the crowd who believes change can come if we are the agents of such change. The nay-sayers continually put her down, wave her away dismissively, laugh at her infantile optimism. But this one light in the darkness, so full of hope and enthusiasm, vows to make a difference. She will fight for social justice, for what she believes in, so long as she can sleep at night feeling satisfied that what she did was right. She will make her very life matter for the things she believes in. She will stand as testament to fighting her personal "good fight."
I, gentle readers, am not this optimist. At least, not until recently. I was this hopeful youth, a very long time ago, when I thought I could change the world at large. Then the nay-sayers got to me, and infected my thinking, crushed my fighting spirit. I was thoroughly convinced I could never make a difference in this world, for I was only one person. Yet one small voice rekindled that flame of passion deep within me, to stand up for what I believe in. And I believe in the power of rational thinking. I believe in intellectual discourse and debate. I believe in challenging oneself to reach their highest potential, even if it might be painful to a point to do so. I believe that one's view of oneself is never set in stone, for we are human and therefore very dynamic beings undergoing constant change. I believe that I am a teacher, educated very prestigiously (despite what disgusted pessimists might say about the quality of my university's program); as a teacher, I have one job: to challenge my students to believe in themselves as becoming better thinkers, even when they refuse to.
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